I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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