I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
