i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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