we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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