thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
