My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
