I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
