i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
