just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
