So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Enjoy the penises
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
