Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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