Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
