we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
