Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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