Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
