So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
