me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
