the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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