Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
