i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
