Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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