i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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