His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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