She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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