he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
