3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
