last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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