come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this just has baby written all over it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
