Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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