Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
