good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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