No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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