Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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