the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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