She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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