i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The air was thick with penises
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
