remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
