Sry I called you an 8
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you traded sex for a burrito?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
