I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
