his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
