You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
