What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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