He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize