so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
