my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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