Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
