He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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