I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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