What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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