i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
