One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
where does the pee come out of this thing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
