I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
