There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
