haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
