people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
