I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
