I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
