I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
