Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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