My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
