Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
