Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize