It's Friday. Sex?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
