Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think my vagina is haunted
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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