that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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